David Ye’s Accordion Girl Essay

The Accordion Girl
By David Ye

The hottest day of the summer was drawing to a close in the grimy streets of Manhattan when a joyful folk song erupted from Time Square. The performer, a little girl named Gabriella played for hours before picking up her chair and red bucket to go home. Her entire family was depending on her to make money. She had not walked for long when she was stopped by a rushing crowd of admirers, eager to give her money. As her bucket quickly filled, someone gave her a suitcase and it filled, too. Lugging her packages home, she rang the doorbell and her mother came to the door. Gabriella dropped the bucket and the suitcase. Her mother took one look at the money, screamed, and fainted.

The next morning as Gabriella clomped to the kitchen, the doorbell rang. An elderly woman with a warm smile greeted her, “I’m a professor from the Julliard School of Music.” She said, “We would like to accept you to our school with a full scholarship.”

Comments: Wow! Look at some of these word choices! The streets are “grimy;” Gabriella “clomps;” the folk song is “joyful” and “erupts!” Look at the sophistication of the sentence structure, with multiple clauses and logical sequence. One example is “Lugging her packages home, she rang the doorbell and her mother came to the door.” A less accomplished writer might have written something like: “Gabriella carried her packages home. She rang the doorbell. Then her mother came to the door.” The rhythm of David’s original keeps the momentum of his story going.

I also really enjoyed the element of exaggeration here, which turns a brief story into a kind of tall tale. Once Gabriella’s bucket is filled, there is still so much money that it has to be put into a suitcase. The mother is not just surprised by Gabriella’s good fortune–she faints! And finally, Julliard awards what is probably its first-ever scholarship for accordion playing!

You really accomplish a lot with a very few words, David. Congratulations!